Still Cleaning Up

Greatly to the indignation of a committee from the House of Expenses Claimants, some private companies have been serving their primary purpose, namely to make money for their shareholders. Moisture provision profiteers in England spent sixteen and a half million over the last five years paying lawyers to reduce their liability for illegal sewage dumping and other little hobbies, even though the money was thrown at them by the Government and nobody forced them to spend it on infrastructure instead. One Labour MP warned that her constituents would be outraged, which will almost certainly have nearly as salutary an effect upon the future corporate consultants of Team Starmer as upon the moisture provision executives themselves.

Right Wheels

Although the austere luxuries of the Ajax may still be reserved for the nation's plucky little servicepersons, armoured-vehicle Britishness is by no means off limits to the more deserving civilian. Having allowed car manufacturers to dodge targets for replacing petroleum vehicles with more environmentally responsible ones, the CEO of Team Starmer has been informed that the entrepreneurial gumption of Jaguar Land Rover Automotive PLC does not extend to designing bomb-proof electric cars. The beastly Euro-wogs seem to have managed it by some nefarious foreign means; but the vocally vexillophiliac CEO of Team Starmer is unlikely to forsake Jaguar Land Rover for BMW as long as his most favoured demographic includes so many patriots who personally won the Second World War on behalf of Britain's white working class.

Due Process

One of the fundamental British values is, of course, that prison sentences should always be longer; and the Secretary of State for Wog Control has zealously enforced that value in the case of a Nigerian asylum seeker with schizophrenia. Originally jailed last October and scheduled for release eight months ago, the man withdrew his claim for asylum shortly before he was due to get out, so the Home Secretary kept him in jail pending deportation. Lawyers then told the Home Secratary that he hadn't understood what he was signing, so his claim for asylum was reinstated and the Home Secretary kept him in jail pending deportation. Three months ago a tribunal granted him immigration bail, but since no suitable accommodation was available the Home Secretary has kept him in jail for vagrancy. Since there seems every chance that continued detention will worsen his mental health, it is to be hoped that the culprit will eventually take the hint and not force the Ministry for Wog Control to undermine the dignity of the State still further by pressing the Palestine Action charge of unspecifiable terroristic hanky-panky.

Wretched Refuse

Remarkable as it may seem, there is at least one respect in which the race-baiting faction of the British political establishment (viz. the entirety of the British political establishment) differs materially from its envied and emulated counterpart in the United States. To wit: the Trumpster administration has deported seven whole migrants to Rwanda, which is seven more than His Majesty's Government was ever able to manage. Doubtless with the benefit of some polite perspectival adjustment courtesy of the nice people at Immigrant Curtailment and Ejection, three of the seven have expressed a wish to return to their own countries while the others ask nothing better than to take advantage of the accommodation, healthcare, and training opportunities which the Rwandan government claims to provide. No less than the British political establishment, the United States government largely begrudges providing such things to its own citizens, let alone to the unauthorised bearers of debilitating foreign melanin. But never let it be thought that His Majesty's Government has resigned itself to falling behind in the migrant-bashing race: the Ministry for Wog Disposal has brought in moderate and sensible economy-growing measures to prevent asylum seekers spending their pittance on luxury goods as well as on various selected necessities.

Just Pursuing Orders

As His Majesty's Government prepares to recognise a Palestinian state, albeit without recognising any right of such a state to self-defence, independent policy-making or its own airspace, Team Starmer has further demonstrated its moral fortitude by supplementing the empty gesture with an empty half-gesture. Representatives of the Israeli government will not be invited to a forthcoming biennial rah-rah for the international arms trade in London; but Israeli arms companies will be permitted to attend, in accordance with the sensible and moderate doctrine that governments are no more than middle management protecting the real people against their rebellious serfs. As when the beastly French implied that the Righteous State is subject to rules, the ban has elicited squeals of righteous indignation, this time alongside an intriguing reiteration of the Nuremberg defence that political decision-making and military professionalism should be subject to a strict and unyielding apartheid.

Burning Priorities

As might be expected given the past fourteen months of Change™, Team Starmer has confirmed that it will continue the Conservative policy of throwing money at a renewable energy supplier whether or not the energy it supplies is actually renewable. Aptly named after the villain in one of the sillier James Bond films, Drax has already been fined twenty-five million for pushing inaccurate data; so now that a further investigation has begun, His Majesty's Government is naturally concerned to compensate the company for its falling share price by allowing it to fleece the taxpayer for as much as seems convenient. A spokesbeing proclaimed that Drax will need to behave more sustainably in future, although it remains as yet unclear what sanctions and penalties will be imposed should it decide that on the whole it would really rather not. After all, Team Starmer didn't get where it is today by worrying about whether private corporations tell the truth.

Thanks for Your Great Glory

Two children have been killed and fourteen injured, along with three adults, in a Mass shooting in Minneapolis. A gunman apparently fired a rifle through the church windows as the ceremony was being conducted, while the Deity to whom the congregation was grovelling sat serenely back as usual and twiddled His omnipotent thumbs. The state governor was forthright in brushing away talk of thoughts and prayers, and does not seem to have been mindful of the just and holy doctrine that children too are tainted with Original Sin and that everything will be all right in the end for some people.

Barracking in Beirut

The Trumpster administration's ambassador to Turkey and special envoy to Syria has done his monarch credit with an outstanding display of sledgehammer imperial diplomacy. After a meeting with the Lebanese president, the indignitary lectured a roomful of noisy journalists with schoolmistressy sternness, ordering them not to become "animalisic" and proclaiming that the whole miserable story of regional obstructionism towards the Pax Netanyahoo can be attributed to lack of proper deportment in the Press. While organisations representing journalists, photojournalists, editors and the Party of God breathed the flame of the righteously indignant, the Lebanese government quietly dropped coals with an expression of regret at "remarks made inadvertently," implying that the poor half-wit just couldn't help himself.

Not the Way We Do Things

While Team Starmer continues to make uncompromising moral noises over the ongoing final solution to the Palestinian problem, the Dutch foreign minster has merely resigned over his government's refusal to impose sanctions against the Righteous State. In the Netherlands as in the United Kingdom, an uneasy coalition of centre-right and hard-right has formed a caretaker administration until the far right is ready to resume its rightful place; but the stakes for the Dutch foreign minister and his colleagues are arguably somewhat lower, as their term is only until October and not until 2029. Meanwhile the shade of Anne Frank is no doubt relieved that her modern counterparts in the Netanyahoo administration have been spared further inconvenience.

Their Natural Inclinations

It is no doubt a measure of Kemi Badenoch's intelligence and sensitivity that she is surprised at the levels of racism and sexism in the openly racist and sexist party which she campaigned to lead. Women rise in the Conservative Party by marrying rich and tacking hard-right; members of ethnic minorities rise in the Conservative Party by tacking hard-right and acting up to the thuggish, greedy or dim-witted stereotypes with which the party is comfortable. Badenoch, who apparently aims to cater for same angry white male Farage Falange demographic that preoccupies Team Starmer, has previously dismissed suggestions that the country is institutionally racist, and now claims that "there are people out there who will ... throw whatever kind of mud at you and they will hope that it sticks." In the Conservative Party it seems they will do so even when mere reality has shown you to be a liar, a hypocrite, an immigrant and not terribly good at your job.