The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, November 06, 2004

News 2020

News so new it hasn't happened yet

Further disagreements have erupted between Britain and its European partners, this time over export quotas. France and Germany have fallen behind Britain in converting to a service economy. Both countries still manufacture goods and employ more than 50% of their workforce inside their own territory.

Britain, on the other hand, has advanced to the point where virtually the whole economy depends on people answering telephones and playing the stock market. Almost 65% of menial labour is outsourced, and those employed in Britain work longer hours for lower wages than any Western workforce outside the United States.

The latest row has broken out because France and Germany claim that Britain has an unfair advantage through having opted out of the European Social Charter, the European Declaration on Human Rights, the European Common Defence Policy and the Geneva Conventions. The French government has gone so far as to say that Britain "has placed its position at the heart of Europe in some doubt."

"Britain is at the heart of Europe. Britain has always been at the heart of Europe. Britain is a leader at the heart of Europe. Britain is a vital bridge between Europe and America. Britain is at the heart of Europe," said a Foreign Office statement issued in answer to the Franco-German bloc's concerns.

"At the same time, we cannot allow any interference with our national sovereignty over such matters as potato crisp thickness and the freedom of our WalMartâ„¢ residential complexes to sell genetically modified foods," the statement continued. "It is in order to protect such freedoms and prevent such interference that Britain has reserved itself the right to retain the sovereign jurisdiction of Westminster in certain cases."

Asked how well the British statement had succeeded in calming the Europeans' ruffled feathers, the Foreign Secretary said this morning that the Prime Minister had "had a long talk" over the telephone with French and German ministers. "He reminded them of the importance of international co-operation against terrorism, urged them to co-operate more with Washington and informed them who won in 1945," he said.

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