The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, November 19, 2004

News 2020

It isn't true yet, but it will be

New Home Office measures to counter the rising tide of crime are not radical enough and will breach the ancient rights of British citizens which date back to Magna Carta, Boris Johnson warned today.

Speaking at a centre-right gathering in Tolpuddle Street, the opposition leader criticised the Government's plans to introduce "default arrest mode" for certain new-borns whose parents or grandparents have shown signs of criminal tendencies.

Previous Home Secretaries had removed the impediment of habeas corpus and the expensive and often inconclusive process of jury trials, all of which represented a rational slimming down of the judicial system, Mr Johnson said.

But the new measures, which the Home Secretary plans to introduce in two to three years, have not been properly thought out and will lead to a "bureaucratic, near-totalitarian system", Mr Johnson claimed.

"Default arrest mode", or DAM, is the process whereby certain neonates with a possible genetic predisposition towards antisocial behaviour can be identified early and monitored before they go wrong, the Home Office says. Such people would be identified by a clear but unobtrusive mark, such as a small black triangle tattooed on the forehead, and would electro-tagged at birth and kept under surveillance until it could be established beyond a reasonable doubt that they would never commit a crime.

Mr Johnson called the proposed measures "almost Liverpudlian in their crudity," and said they made no allowance for the individuality of the individuals concerned. At the very least, he said, potential white-collar criminals should be clearly differentiated from the more violent types, perhaps with a different coloured triangle, as this would help them later in life when seeking employment.

But a far better solution, he said, would be to adopt the opposition's radical crime-cutting plan to wall up two or three selected inner cities and drop potential criminals into them by parachute. "An efficient human being is a social human being," claimed Mr Johnson; so the most socially adept people would automatically rise to prominence inside the cities and possibly earn parole by policing the rest.

The Home Office has rejected Mr Johnson's plan as being too expensive, lacking in compassion and undermining of family values.

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