News 2020
When it eventually happens, remember you read it here first
The Government has announced the opening of a new phase in its criminal justice programme. "We are taking the war on dishonesty into a new theatre of operations," said the Minister for National Virtue, Blandly Trollope.
"We cannot hope to teach wisdom and democracy to less advantaged peoples unless we ourselves are pure," the Prime Minister stated in Parliament at the beginning of the present session, and his personal commitment to the war on dishonesty has been instrumental in a number of statutes to enhance the public's moral standing.
The new Office Equipment Bill will be a "logical follow-up" to the package of legislative measures which have been introduced to help make the country worthy of the Government's moral fervour.
Previous measures have included the National Media Semantics Act, which formalised the use of words like violence and death in appropriate contexts. Many media professionals protested that legal statutes were unnecessary, since no genuinely virtuous police or military measure has ever been referred to as "violence", or as causing anything but "unwanted but necessary casualties"; but the Government's dedication to ensuring the moral character of the nation held true.
Other measures included the seasonal manhunt license for home-owners, and the Adolescent Persons Enhanced Socialisation, Homogenisation, Instruction and Training initiative, which replaced the old Anti-Social Behaviour Orders and many schools.
The Office Equipment Bill will make compulsory the common professional practice of fitting digital mini-cameras to computer monitors so as to ensure maximal efficientisation of the temporal dispensation of every human resource. A new offence of "temporal larceny" will be introduced to deter non-effective utilisation of work-time, along with a sliding scale of penalties for unauthorised removal of company items.
"This bill will be the most extensive temptation avoidance measure ever put in place in the professional sphere," Mr Trollope said today. "The introduction of this law will save the economy some thirteen billion pounds a year in lost and pilfered office equipment." The figure rose to twenty billion if biros and paper clips were taken into consideration, he added.
The Government has announced the opening of a new phase in its criminal justice programme. "We are taking the war on dishonesty into a new theatre of operations," said the Minister for National Virtue, Blandly Trollope.
"We cannot hope to teach wisdom and democracy to less advantaged peoples unless we ourselves are pure," the Prime Minister stated in Parliament at the beginning of the present session, and his personal commitment to the war on dishonesty has been instrumental in a number of statutes to enhance the public's moral standing.
The new Office Equipment Bill will be a "logical follow-up" to the package of legislative measures which have been introduced to help make the country worthy of the Government's moral fervour.
Previous measures have included the National Media Semantics Act, which formalised the use of words like violence and death in appropriate contexts. Many media professionals protested that legal statutes were unnecessary, since no genuinely virtuous police or military measure has ever been referred to as "violence", or as causing anything but "unwanted but necessary casualties"; but the Government's dedication to ensuring the moral character of the nation held true.
Other measures included the seasonal manhunt license for home-owners, and the Adolescent Persons Enhanced Socialisation, Homogenisation, Instruction and Training initiative, which replaced the old Anti-Social Behaviour Orders and many schools.
The Office Equipment Bill will make compulsory the common professional practice of fitting digital mini-cameras to computer monitors so as to ensure maximal efficientisation of the temporal dispensation of every human resource. A new offence of "temporal larceny" will be introduced to deter non-effective utilisation of work-time, along with a sliding scale of penalties for unauthorised removal of company items.
"This bill will be the most extensive temptation avoidance measure ever put in place in the professional sphere," Mr Trollope said today. "The introduction of this law will save the economy some thirteen billion pounds a year in lost and pilfered office equipment." The figure rose to twenty billion if biros and paper clips were taken into consideration, he added.
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home