The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

News 2020

US leader responds to latest shooting incident

The US Commander-in-Chief has expressed dismay at this month's high school shooting incident, calling it "an unfortunate misapplication of American firepower" and "a red carrot to the bull of gun control".

His words have been interpreted as a possible prelude to further tightening of the gun control control laws, which forbid the dissemination of anti-firearms propaganda "for the duration of the present emergency".

Gun control control lobbyists in the United States have been saying for some time that this restriction is not enough, and that gun owners need more protection from opponents of the old eighteenth-century constitution which enshrines the right of citizens to keep and bear arms, and on which the Homeland Constitution is based without prejudice under the laws governing intellectual copyright.

This month's shooting incident took place at Red River Valley high school in Minnesota. Nine people were killed and fourteen wounded, making this a below-average incidence in terms of body count, despite a higher-than-average headshot count.

Two headshot victims remain alive but in a comatose state. As a mark of respect to the families, the Commander-in-Chief has signed personally, in advance, the Homeland Christian Compassion Orders enforcing the upkeep in perpetuity of any vegetative state they may fall into.

The gunman, who committed suicide after an exchange of fire with police and armed parents, has been identified as Paul Crockett, a 16-year-old quiet loner who always dressed in blue, frequented an extreme right-wing website, was teased by other students, and will not be considered any great loss.

"This unfortunate incident shows yet again the danger of citizens taking complex issues into their own hands," the Commander-in-Chief said today. "Citizens are reminded that direct actions of this nature are strictly a foreign policy prerogative and are not to be undertaken in the homeland without the correct authorisation."

The Commander-in-Chief also emphasised the need for calm and "negative hysteria" in the face of inevitable calls for gun control control control. "Remember, it is not the gun that kills, but the quiet loner behind the gun," he said.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home