The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

News 2020

Payback time for potential evildoers

The Government today announced new measures to mark the next phase of the war on dastardliness. The programme, Preventive Attrition of Youth for Better Acquisition of Counter-terroristic Knowledgeability (PAYBACK) has aroused controversy because of what some claim is its limiting of civil liberties.

The new law will allow for "moderate to harsh" physical and psychological methods to be used in determining whether a guilty suspect is going to confess.

The Home Office today denied that the law amounted to a legalisation of torture, or that confessions obtained under the new law would be suspect because of the circumstances in which they had been spontaneously volunteered.

"It seems rather curious that people who dislike the idea of harsh treatment for terrorists have so little respect for the stamina of those they are trying to protect," said Home Office minister Alec Trode.

"In any case, there is a difference between harsh treatment and torture. Torture is carried out by foreigners for the sadistic gratification of their perverted lusts. Harsh treatment is used only with restraint and in the most extreme circumstances of British national interest," Mr Trode continued.

He added that he had personally witnessed harsh treatment being carried out by men "who were literally eating their hearts because of what circumstances were forcing them to do."

The leader of the NuConLib Alliance, Boris Johnson, welcomed the proposals but said they did not go far enough and asked why only young people were being targeted.

The Home Secretary responded that the word "youth" was included for the purpose of "smoothing and improving the acronymisation process" and that the law would leave the law enforcement industry "all necessary flexibility" in the battle to prevent crimes being carried out.

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