The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, June 13, 2005

News 2020

ID card negligence breeds crime, report says

The children of parents who fail to benefit from possession of the requisite number of ID cards show a disproportionate potentiality towards potential criminal potential as compared with normal people, a government study has concluded.

Single parents, benefits consumers and gipsies were among the groups most noted for consistent lack of sufficient identification when stopped and searched by anti-evilness police units.

These social groups often have low incomes and frequently fail to plan ahead and save so that their ID cards can be duly paid for and renewed at the random intervals necessary for terrorism prevention, according to the study.

The report, prepared jointly by the Ministry of Freedom and the Department of Human Resource Maturation, makes use of statistics from the government's newly liberalised juvenile tagging programme.

Until two years ago, juvenile consumers could be tagged only if they were more than five years of age and had at least one Muslim parent. But the government's recent deregulation of the benevolent surveillance industry means that today any human resource can be tagged if the Home Office considers it necessary for decriminalitisation of the family unit.

Many parents are so concerned at the possibility of criminal tendencies in their future retirement home provider that they have spontaneously requested the Home Office to introduce electronic tagging in the womb.

Home Office minister Bungo Flobbard said that parents' concerns were being given "the utmost consideration" by the appropriate departments.

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