The Satanic Supplement

Amicable,adj. The kind of divorce settlement which does not come out of the muzzle of a gun.

Deterrent,n.(Military) Judicious provocation.

Emotion,n. The mask of instinct, the goad of madness and the excuse of stupidity.

Home,n. Where the heart is.
"You are like my home," he grunted
To his smiling lady-love;
She was cheap and falsely fronted
And fell backwards at a shove.
Urpinella Modge

Insurance,n. Eminently sensible custom of preparing for one's own demise by making it profitable to others.

Mule,n. Stupidly obstinate animal with a nag for a mother and an ass for a father; hence a close relation of yours in more than mere temperament.

Providence,n. That to whose tender mercies the Christian poor are normally left, in accordance with the Saviour's commandment that the poor should be with us always. This laudable laisser-faire does not extend to doubters, since Providence, being wholly benevolent, is powerless to punish them as they deserve, and thus stands in need of human assistance.
The power of Faith, it is said,
Can sometimes bring life to the dead;
And the ages have shown
That it is not unknown
For the converse to happen instead.
Rev. Wibley Beamish

Telephone,n. Labour-saving device enabling interruption at a distance.

Void,adj. Any agreement which is inconvenient to the stronger signatory.

Whockeroon,n. A sudden and unforeseen Antipodean catastrophe.
Barely had they landed at Melbourne than the Murdoch whockeroon descended on them.
Floomery Gorple