The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

News 2020

Police hunt terror mastermind

As millions of stoical little Londoners joined the Prime Minister in a Victory Day-style two-minute silence as a mark of respect for the victims of last week's terror bombings, police raided several homes in search of the terrorist mastermind behind the terrorist attacks.

Approximately seventeen such masterminds are believed to be at large, spread across various countries of the world. They are assumed to work by building on the adolescent delusions of young male Muslims about western policy in the Middle East.

Terrorist masterminds can generally be distinguished by their elusiveness and their lack of one or more limbs. They often look very different from the photographic data held by security agencies, and their biographical details are frequently a matter of dispute.

"With those kinds of distinguishing marks, it shouldn't be long before we round this monster up," commented Home Office minister Mibley Proctor today.

The police raids took place on the evidence of the terrorists' identity cards, which were found at the scene of the terrorist bombings. Although none of the terrorists had any previous criminal record, police rapidly identified the terrorists' identification papers as identifying the terrorists' identities.

The terrorists were all British citizens who were born in Britain between the ages of 18 and 30. One of them was married with two young children, and another was a keen cricket player.

"It just goes to show that family values and a so-called liking for cricket doesn't necessarily make you English," commented British National Party leader Tig Fickin.

In a display of secrecy and clannishness which might have been misinterpreted by a lesser news agency, the terrorists' families were unavailable for comment. The terrorist with children placed his children in a Muslim school, to which reporters were denied access.

It is not yet known how many of Britain's Muslims observed the two-minute silence, as public safety companies have not yet collated the information from the security reports.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home