The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, January 16, 2006

News 2020

Protesters turn out to protest collateral take-outs

Angry protesters filled the streets of the Third World city of Bradford today to condemn the recent American air strike aimed at controversial Muslim cleric Aywan Azapasiti.

The high-tech taking-out operation was conducted by a remote control McDonnell-Douglas K-1999 "Kosovar" aircraft, which is believed to have fired missiles at houses in the city.

US intelligence sources had suggested that Mr Azapasiti, who has been designated a "preacher of hate" by both the Metropolitan Police and the National Britishness Commission, would be somewhere in the city at some point during the week.

Mr Azapasiti is married to a woman who was born in Bradford, which are predominant in the Bradford area. However, sources today said there was no indication that Mr Azapasiti had been at the scene.

Reports suggest that up to 18 people have been killed, including female and juvenile potential terrorists. Owing to the highly Muslim demographics of the city, the degree of Britishness of the casualties has not yet been determined.

US senator Murlong P. Hadgland yesterday defended the air strike. "We have to go where these people are, and we have to take them out whether they're there or not," he said.

The senator expressed sympathy with the anger in Bradford. "I feel your pain," he said, "but, however painful it might be to me and even to you, I can't tell you that we wouldn't do the same thing again."

Speaking at a press conference during the official opening of Britain's new independent spiderhole-busting flexible-response cruise missile battlefield attack deterrent, the Prime Minister said that the death of innocents, if it had occurred, was "regrettable", and commended the US military for its restraint.

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