The Curmudgeon

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Thursday, May 04, 2006

News 2020

CBI urges action on environment

The Confabulation of Business Interests has urged the Government to take urgent action on climate change.

The CBI's urging is thought to be a response to the latest season of environmental disasters in Asia, Africa, South America, the Caribbean, the north of England and the Antarctic.

"Environmental dysfunctionality is in the process of becoming a significant factor in the detrimentation of transnational investment profiles," said CBI chairman Nigel Feasting-Piranha today.

The Government has taken previous urgent action on the environmental question, most recently by metaderegulation of the suspect restraint market so that water companies can run their own prisons for potential hosepipe ban violation perpetration suspects.

However, Mr Feasting-Piranha said today that further urgent action was needed. "I would urge the Government to action urgently, he said today. "There is a real potentiality for environmental detrimentation of investor-efficient labour sources with resultant inconvenientisation of influential market forces," Mr Feasting-Piranha told journalists.

Environment minister Cameron Rhode-Pyglett welcomed Mr Feasting-Piranha's statement. "Urgent action on the environment is just what the Government has been planning for the last six months," he said.

"In the coming financial year we will urge businesses, very actively, to consider adhering to those voluntary guidelines which, in their own considered judgement, will not unduly affect their performance in the marketplace."

However, Mr Rhode-Pyglett admitted that the loss of cheap and flexible labour from Third World environmental disasters could potentially cause "blips" for investors.

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