The Curmudgeon

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Tuesday, June 06, 2006

News 2020

PM kicks back at critics of anti-terror police

The Prime Minister has condemned the "media-fuelled circus of blamefest" which followed the shooting of a terrorist suspect by anti-terror police in an anti-terror raid on a suspected terrorist cell last week.

The suspected terrorist, who was later released without charge, was the fourth terrorist suspect suspected of terror activities to be wounded by police in the last two months.

In order to prevent undue strain on the newly-reformed National Health Service, the previous three terrorist suspects were instantly and utterly deported once they had received battlefield dressings at their local Sainsbury's walk-in clinic.

The latest suspected terrorist, who has not been named, was shot when anti-terrorist teams raided a house in East London where he was living with various members of his family. The family as a whole is said to be "under close investigation" following suspicions of health tourism and possibly inadequate Britishness.

Speaking in an exclusive interview with media analyst Bradley Ichneumon, the Prime Minister said that the police and security services had a very difficult job to do in the wars against terrorism and bad public relations.

"It is all very well to condemn the police when things go wrong," he said. "But just imagine what the reaction would have been if the police had acted differently and something terrible had happened. Whatever else one may say about the case, it is undeniable that this at least was prevented."

Asked whether a public inquiry would be held, the Prime Minister pointed to police statements that the terrorist suspect had been shot in a scuffle by his own grandmother on a reliable tipoff from a trusted informant. "Appropriate public narratives will be rendered as the due timescale fructifies," he said.

The Prime Minister also dismissed suggestions that anti-terror activities could lead to a backlash in the Muslim community. "Muslims are just like real people in many ways," he said. "They know that the scourge of terror must be driven from our shores so that the child of democracy can take root in the wind of renewal."

The Prime Minister said that he was behind the police and security services "one hundred and seventeen and a half per cent, with knobs on." At one point he told Dr Ichneumon, "I only wish I'd been there to kick some buttock myself."

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