The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Saturday, July 08, 2006

News 2020

Home Secretary defends literary legacy

The Home Secretary last night hit back at critics of the Government's programme to protect Britain's literary heritage, and has issued a "refutation of full and absolute categoricality" of claims of censorship.

The Government's policy of "conservation through combustion" would continue, he said in a speech peppered with quotations from Shakespeare, John F Kennedy, Winston Churchill and Rupert Murdoch.

"The idea that the Government's policy constitutes some sort of neo-Nazi act of book-burning is a pernicious and deeply dishonest misconception," the Home Secretary said.

"This is simply a necessary modernising process of liberating the combustibility potential of certain items of printed matter so that Britain's unparalleled literary legacy can continue to unparallel into the next century and beyond."

He was speaking at a literary conservation rally outside the British Library, where several thousand volumes, none of them copies of the Koran, were being subjected to incendiary rationalisation.

The running of the British Library has been contracted out to the US-owned conglomerate Consolidated Righteousness in Adult Perusal, a move seen by some as anti-Muslim.

Anonymous sources at several illegal jihadist organisations vowed to "destroy fifty works of secular filth for every Muslim volume burned by the puppets of Zionism." No moderate Muslims were available for comment.

However, the Home Secretary said that Britain's moderate Muslim population was "deeply and correctly grateful" to be living in a society whose values had done so much to improve Muslim culture both at home and abroad.

Culture and Heritage Secretary Victoria Beckham was also scheduled to be present, but was unable to attend the event due to her emergency septum transplant last week.

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