The Curmudgeon

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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

News 2020

Terror crisis looms for health customers

A new crisis is looming in the lower-income tranches of the NHS industry owing to lack of public awareness on terrorism, a think-tank has warned.

The Policy Research and Integration Group, a charitable foundation founded by Lord Blair of Belmarsh under his own "charities for profit" charity reforms after his historic third term as Prime Minister, warns that the risk of injury to members of the public through terrorist action may plunge the health industry into new difficulties.

"People tend to go through life thinking it'll never happen to them," said PRIG human resource Felicity Silkience. "Even members of high-risk groups, such as those who habitually sit next to Muslims on public transport without checking the ImamNet database first, often have no idea of the potential strain they might one day be putting on the limited resources of the health industry."

Junior health minister Dabney Snelgrove said that the Government would be "looking very carefully" at further new ways to improve public awareness about the terrorism threat.

"It is possible that the Government could do more, apart from the present campaigns on radio, television, street advertising, the internet and the Goodyear blimp, to help informationise the public towards the requisite degree of vigilance," said Mr Snelgrove from the independent pro-life hospital he was opening in Dagenham.

Billed by its US owners as "the abortive alternative", the hospital offers "moral healthcare and chastity advice", but has only a single 200-bed wing devoted to terrorist-inflicted injuries.

Also, most of the "terror beds" are "sponsor-prioritised", which means that health industry customers who do not have appropriate insurance schemes could result in unnecessarily unfavourable casualty figures for future terrorist acts of terror.

The leader of the opposition, Boris Johnson, responded to the PRIG findings by unveiling the NuLibCon Alliance's new Open Arms policy of distributing artificial limbs to suspected potential terrorist victims in advance of suspected potential terrorist terrorism.

Mr Johnson said the Open Arms scheme would be "a key plank along which the future of British health will walk into a stable and sustainable future". The costs of the scheme would be paid by efficientiating more probation officers into prison warders, he said.

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