The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

News 2020

Mullahs advantaged by homeland oppositionality

The Iranian government in exile is waging a deadly charm offensive against the US-led, British-practicalitised Middle Eastern freedomisation project, according to a new report.

Iran's former mullahs are wanted by western governments for various crimes against humanity, including almost knowing how to build a nuclear weapon and acts of unprovoked cartographic cleansing against Israel.

However, decades of dictatorship, violence and non-democratised imams have led many in the region to regard Persian-occupied Iran as a "martyred nation" which is suffering under western "occupation", the report says.

The coalition programme of Qualitative Advancement by Gainful Mideast Interventional Response Engagement (QAGMIRE) is considered "evil" and "militaristic" even in countries which have not yet been liberated.

"This is simply another example of the way in which domestic support for terrorism has forced our boys to fight blindfold on one leg with their hands tied behind their backs and their genitals threatened by dogs," said report co-author Podger Wangford.

Mr Wangford, a researcher for socio-financial think tank the Blair Endowment for Reasonability and Knowledge, said public relations firms were so overworked trying to engage the public at home that attempts to re-illusion the Muslim world were badly under-resourced.

Foreign Office minister Knugley Muckle said that the Government would be careful to consider the report to the extent necessary for the report to be considered carefully considered.

"If the demand for conflict infotainment at home could be somehow de-desperatised, a future upquantifying of entermation for those resources which are presently subject to Iranian mullaganda would obviously be a matter for prioritisational fast-track," the minister said.

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