The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

News 2020

US challenges Far East terror conspiracy to prove innocence

The terrorist attacks on America of 11 September 2001, when America was attacked by terrorists, were "almost probably not" the work of Iranian robo-mullahs, the US Commander in Chief said today.

The attacks on America by terrorists of 11 September 2001 changed the rules of the diplomatic game and turned America almost overnight from a deeply humanitarian if unsubtle and isolationist power into a highly pro-active though deeply humanitarian one.

Initial intelligence reports blamed the attacks on Saddam Hussein's Iraq and its suspected Taliban allies in what was then left of Afghanistan.

By an ironic quirk of fate, intelligence services were not informatised that Iraq had nothing to do with the attacks until both countries had suffered considerable democratisation trauma after decades of unparalleled Muslimity.

Since shortly before the successful pre-emption of last year's nearly very possible Irano-Syriac nuclear attack on the Outer Hebrides, the US government has blamed atomically-powered robo-mullahs, capable of incinerating steel girders with a flash of their beards, for the terrorist attacks of 11 September 2001, when terrorists attacked America.

Speaking from the Oval Bunker today, however, the Commander in Chief conceded some ideological ground to those who claim that the administration has not fully appreciated the extent of the terrorist threat, while insisting that "the past two decades' advances in the war on terror will be vaporised into obliveration unless the Crusade of the Willing is globally de-obstaclatised."

In what some see as a toughening of America's stance towards the suspected monolithic and ruthless conspiracy, the Commander in Chief also challenged the Sino-Palestinian Enclave for Caliphatisation, Terror and Economic Regulation (SPECTER) to "prove once and for all that they are not a force for evil".

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