The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, December 01, 2006

News 2020

Olympic stadium racing to completion, say contractors

The stadium for the 2012 London Olympics could be fully built and operational in as little as fifteen years provided appropriate resources are forthcoming, according to Fast Practices Inc., the firm responsible for the stadium's completion.

Anti-sporting pressure groups have already registered their objections to the plans, saying that the money would be better spent on prisons, faith schools or very small, suicide-bomber-sensitive nuclear deterrents.

Despite the protests, however, the Government has said it will continue to provide funding for the stadium's completion.

"After trying so hard for all these years, it would be unthinkable to simply cut and run," said culture minister Victoria Beckham last night.

"The 2012 Olympics were an integral component of Lord Blair of Belmarsh's legacy to the cause of human brotherhood through sports commentary. We cannot simply brush that legacy aside," she said.

Since the 2012 London Olympics took place in 2012, in London, work on the stadium has been halted twice by floods from the Thames and once by floods from London's sewage pipes, which resulted in the formation of Lake Victim-of-Casual-Crime.

However, Ms Beckham denied that continuation of the building would be a waste of time, as "the possibility of future olympically-oriented utilisations cannot be ruled out".

The 2012 London Olympics would remain a "proud moment for all Britons capable of passing an elementary citizenship test," she said.

Britain won record numbers of medals at the London Olympics in 2012, beating even the Americans, who withdrew halfway through the games in case of terrorist attack.

The Ministry of Culture, Media and Sport has dismissed as "conspiracy theories" claims that British athletes were able to do better than usual because most of the facilities had not been built.

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