The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Titanic Enterprises

Luxury paedophilia classes and psychopathic workshops in Marbella will soon be a thing of the past for Britain's ever-increasing number of prisoners, the Prison Governors' Association has revealed.

From April next year, all inmates in Britain's hundred and thirty-one crime hotels will spend twenty-three hours a day locked in their cells between Friday lunchtime and Monday morning. Friday afternoon "classes and workshops", during which prisoners cost the taxpayer unnecessary financial hardship and moral indignation, will be cancelled.

According to the president of the Prison Governors' Association, the average weekly time spent outside cells by each inmate will be reduced to its lowest level since 1969. Also on the positive side, the move will free up a cost saving of £60 million, which can then be spent on the ID card scheme, which will help to reduce crime, which will mean the Government's emergency early release scheme can be ended in time for the planned "titan jails" to be appropriately filled.

The chief inspector of prisons and hotbed of wishy-washy liberalism, Anne Owers, claimed that the French "abandoned building titan prisons after the population of the first, which was built outside Paris in 1992 to hold 2,800, had swollen to 3,600 overcrowded inmates". Obviously that cannot happen here. In the first place, we are building three titan prisons, not one. In the second place, we are British.

The "titan jails" will cost only one thousand, two hundred million pounds, which is only twenty times more than the savings which will be made from keeping everyone locked up for twenty-three hours a day. This means that the "titan prisons" could cost the taxpayer almost virtually nothing except the usual innocent increments which often result from handing over public works to private contractors, provided that prisoners could be kept locked up for 460 hours a day, at least during weekends.

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