The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

A Steady Hand on the Tiller

Well, here's a thing: only a day after Gordon and his henchbeing, Agent Smith, were forced to retreat on six-week internment for terrorist suspects and Icelandic bankers, Lord West of Rocksteady has issued a spontaneous bulletin about the hugeness of the threat and the near-adequacy of the Government and how we can now feel almost completely safe as, through the reliable medium of our elected representatives, we rush about in panic scattering unencrypted memory sticks in our foaming wake. "The threat is huge," the noble lord blubbered. "It dipped slightly and is now rising again within the context of 'severe'. There are large, complex plots", one of which has been foiled; on the other hand, "another great plot is building up again, which we are monitoring", presumably as a last resort now that the forty-two-day miracle cure has been so cruelly dashed from the helpless lips of British anti-terrorism. On the other hand, "We have done all the things that we need to do", which is jolly reassuring; but on the other hand (who's counting?) "the threat is building - the complex plots are building". Gosh. Let's hope nobody tells the plotters that they're being monitored.

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