Dearly Beloved

A sublieutenant in the Anglican Civil War has been suspended for disparaging the recently announced Windsor-Middleton business merger. Pete Broadbent, a Willesden bishop, made remarks on Facebook which, by implication, belittled the lifelong marital fidelity of the Prince of Wales, the Duke of York and their respective heifers, and even said that the great day itself would be surrounded by "nauseating tosh", rather than by tabloid sentiment, saccharine commercialism and drooling anticipation of the downfalls to come. Broadbent also made some deeply offensive remarks about a "corrupt and sexist" hereditary principle, and about the royal family being persecuted by the gutter press, which was certainly rather indiscreet of him with Andy Coulson still working for one of the royal family's less reputable heirs to power. Broadbent's line manager, the bishop of London, was prompted to "ask" him to withdraw from public chats with the Deity until further notice, and Britain's leading liberal newspaper was moved to redefine public outcry as an outcry in public - by "clergy and politicians alike", no less.